Part 4: Is This Hell?

  Of course I had already let my mom know of the choices Enos had given me. Knowing the dismissal bell was set to ring in the next twenty minutes, I remained in my uncle’s office when my mom let me know she was outside. Dygre smiled and greeted my mom at the front desk pretending like he didn’t just put me through hell for the past four hours. I didn’t care if my eyes were still red and puffy, I was just relieved to see my mother’s face. When I approached her, you could tell she was pissed. My mom said “Anna, go wait in the car while I talk to this guy.” One look between the both of us was all it took for me to expect the worst.

  I walked out to our car and sat behind the driver’s seat where my dad was. Noticing how low I hung my head and how sad I looked, he asked me what happened. After a long silence, he didn’t rush me to speak. Instead my dad understood and let me cry in peace. Fifteen minutes later, my mom came into the car angry. She said “Enos is so full of shit. He has the audacity to call MY daughter a liar because everyone lied, and he’s thinking about expelling her when SHE’S the one getting bullied. This is ridiculous!” All I could do was stay quiet because there was nothing to be said that could fix what happened.

  Spending a few seconds to recollect herself, my mom turned around to look at me and said “Anna. I am sorry I put you through this. I’ll take the blame. Everything is my fault.” Hearing the pain in her voice made me cry once more. I never even thought about holding my mom responsible for anything that happened in less than 24 hours. It wasn’t hers, my sister’s, or my fault, it was theirs...the BULLIES. They’re the ones who should be held accountable for their actions.

  We sat in the lot for an extra five minutes until N.D., got in the car. After wiping her tears, my mom finally began explaining what she and Dygre talked about: “Supposedly GR.F. said that she didn’t post anything on Facebook, and Enos didn’t look more into it. He said that if there was some kind of proof to prove Anna wasn’t lying, then he’ll do something about it. But because it happened online, he has no control over anyone’s freedom of speech. N.D., you have all the screenshots right?” My sister confirmed she had them, and emailed them to my mom who agreed to print it out and return to the school’s office Monday morning.

  After picking up my younger siblings at Aliamanu Middle, I dodged all their questions about why I was crying. The wound was still fresh, so thinking about it made me tear up again. My eyes were getting so heavy that I ended up taking a short nap in the car. When the car was parked in the garage, I checked the time-- 2:30 pm. While walking in the house, my mom asked if I was okay. I flashed her a fake smile and said yes before I went into my room and cried my eyes out. I changed out of my school clothes and crawled into bed where I blamed myself for every single thing that happened. I stupidly logged onto Facebook to see the same girls still talking, but this time there were posts after posts about me.

“I can’t believe she actually told on us.”

“That bitch is costing us graduation!”

“You know what they say, snitches get stitches.”

“She better watch her back when I see her on Monday.”

  I closed my phone, laid on my back, and stared at the ceiling. I couldn’t fall asleep because I was no longer tired. I had also stopped crying a long time ago because both my mind and body was numb. I replayed everything that happened in my head, reliving it over and over. I knew it wasn’t healthy, but I also knew I was depressed. At around 6:00 pm, my mom peeked her head in my room and asked if I wanted to follow them to eat dinner. Pretending I was okay, I looked at her and said “No thank you. I’m not hungry.”

  “Are you sure? There’s no food in the fridge,” she replied.

  “Yeah. I’m just gonna go back to sleep,” I lied.

  “Alright. You’ll be home alone then,” my mom said trying to convince me to change my mind.

  “Okay…...uhh...actually mom. How long are you going to be gone?,” I asked.

  “Just a couple of hours. You sure you gonna be fine by yourself?,” she asked once more.

  “Yes,” I say before giving her a smile and then instantly dropping it when she closes my door.

I listen as my family is getting into their cars. The last thing I hear is a laugh before they close their doors and pull out of the garage. Once I realize I’m home alone, I go back to staring at the ceiling.

  With no one home, my mind immediately goes dark. I continued to blame myself for the reason why everyone hates me. It was my fault that I befriended a bunch of Satan's spawns. It was my fault that I went to a Vice Principal for help, someone my parents trusted to bring me justice. It was my fault that I'm being called a snitch and people are still out to get me. I guess Enos was right. Everyone’s lives would be easier if I left Radford. How about I leave this Earth too while I’m at it? For the first time in three hours, I felt tears run down the sides of my eyes. "Suicide is my only way out..." I quietly say to myself.