Part 11: Finally Free!
N.M. only started trying when I stopped going out of my way to make things work, and by then it was too late. While I was making something of myself, I attempted to help him grow with me, but he refused. He would consistently say he’d get a job only after college, then complain I was too busy with work and didn’t have enough time for him. After four full years of no respect for me, my family, my body, or my well-being, I knew I had carried it out long enough. If I wasn’t too scared to leave before, we would have only lasted less than a month. I was done being trapped and unhappy in a relationship I never wanted in the first place. I despised N.M. for YEARS because he manipulated and controlled every single second of my life. By May 2017, I told myself I was done with him...with the relationship. I needed to get out.
Two days after our four year anniversary, I had a Summer Fun Orientation to attend at Waipahu District Park. I was with my coworkers waiting for the doors to open when I had this crazy feeling in my stomach that I was going to see someone I knew. After looking back for almost ten minutes, I finally saw him...N.S. In this exact moment, I felt a sense of relief. One look was all it took for me to see that he was my escape out of my poisonous life. After so many years apart, my heart still raced the exact same way it did when we first dated. Any thought I had left of N.M. left my mind because all I could see was N.S. As soon as orientation ended, I went straight home to rest because I knew I had to be back in a couple of hours.
I laid in bed to relive my past. All I could remember was how hard it was to spend nearly seven years apart from the person I truly loved. It felt like just yesterday when I first expressed out loud that I liked him and we ended up dating. It felt like just yesterday that he left me to start high school on my own. It felt like just yesterday when I forgave him and stayed up every night praying that he’s doing okay at his new school. I wished he was there through every hardship I went through, so I had a shoulder to cry on. I just wanted him and me forever, the way it was supposed to be, and now was my chance to get my happily ever after.
The following week, all Summer Fun parks had to go to Halawa District Park for three days for training. For all three days I was still keeping my distance from N.S. because I knew I was technically in a one-sided relationship. On the first day of training, I was surprised when N.S. and I ended up in the same class at the end of the day. Then on the second day, we ended up in the same class again. By the third day, we were pre-assigned to specific classes, so I never saw him until the very end of the day when I was walking out of the gym. I knew he was waiting for me, but I panicked and pretended like I was talking on the phone and headed to where N.M. picked me up everyday. During the whole car ride, the only person I talked about was N.S., and I would only catch myself when I realized I said too much. I didn’t feel bad though because I had been considering myself as single since 2015, but because that title between N.M. and I was still there, I never had any intentions to date anyone until he was finally out of my life.
When I got home, all I could think was how much I missed N.S. I haven’t seen him in person for seven years. Three days wasn’t enough time to make up for that. I wanted to talk to him and catch up on everything that we missed out on, but I could only do this once I broke it off with N.M. which I did on that last day of training. On top of many other reasons, the main reason why I left N.M. was because he didn’t want to grow with me. We were going to be 21-- he didn’t make his own money because he didn’t want to get a job, he had no intentions of moving out of the house (like ever), and he didn’t want kids. He had all that time to make something of himself, but everything was always “Wait,” for him. His shit got old. I got tired of trying to work things out and tired of giving him chances. I couldn’t change someone who didn’t see an issue with their actions. Four years guys...FOUR YEARS of my life wasted with some loser.
After I broke up with N.M., all he said was “Okay,” and never texted back. He thought I wasn't serious because he still had my name in his Instagram bio and had pictures of us on his account. Shortly after I broke it off, I began talking to N.S. as a friend, but I never told him I was single because I didn’t want him to think he was just a fling. For the past two years, I’ve never been so sure about someone in my life, but I knew getting into a new relationship after being in such a long one isn’t going to look too good, so I waited. A week and a half passed since the breakup and N.M. still had me on his IG, so I texted him telling him to take it down because I wasn't joking this time. I told him we were officially done, but still he refused to let me go. N.S. finally figured out I was single, but not knowing what truly happened between N.M. and I, he tried to get me to fix things with my ex and I kept refusing. I was finally free of all of those toxic people in such a toxic environment. Why would I ever go back to that?
Within the next two weeks, N.S. and I slowly reconnected, filling one another in on the years apart. It didn’t take long for both of us to admit that what he had in 2009-2010 was real love, and after almost a month of my breakup with N.M., N.S. and I officially started going out...again. Already introducing him to my family, they fell in love with him fairly quickly (which I never had with my ex). Initially wanting to wait months to announce us, I changed my mind at the last minute because I didn’t want to hide the fact that I was FINALLY with the love of my life. I waited this long, so why keep him a secret?
I’m sure everyone was surprised, probably still calling me a whore, slut, or cheater, but I didn’t care. For once in my life, I didn’t care about anyone’s opinions towards me because I was in a much better place with a much better man. N.S., my family, and I knew I didn’t cheat and that’s all that mattered. After so many years of being in hell, I deserved this moment. I was finally happy, and no one on this Earth could ever take that away from me.
Two days after our four year anniversary, I had a Summer Fun Orientation to attend at Waipahu District Park. I was with my coworkers waiting for the doors to open when I had this crazy feeling in my stomach that I was going to see someone I knew. After looking back for almost ten minutes, I finally saw him...N.S. In this exact moment, I felt a sense of relief. One look was all it took for me to see that he was my escape out of my poisonous life. After so many years apart, my heart still raced the exact same way it did when we first dated. Any thought I had left of N.M. left my mind because all I could see was N.S. As soon as orientation ended, I went straight home to rest because I knew I had to be back in a couple of hours.
I laid in bed to relive my past. All I could remember was how hard it was to spend nearly seven years apart from the person I truly loved. It felt like just yesterday when I first expressed out loud that I liked him and we ended up dating. It felt like just yesterday that he left me to start high school on my own. It felt like just yesterday when I forgave him and stayed up every night praying that he’s doing okay at his new school. I wished he was there through every hardship I went through, so I had a shoulder to cry on. I just wanted him and me forever, the way it was supposed to be, and now was my chance to get my happily ever after.
The following week, all Summer Fun parks had to go to Halawa District Park for three days for training. For all three days I was still keeping my distance from N.S. because I knew I was technically in a one-sided relationship. On the first day of training, I was surprised when N.S. and I ended up in the same class at the end of the day. Then on the second day, we ended up in the same class again. By the third day, we were pre-assigned to specific classes, so I never saw him until the very end of the day when I was walking out of the gym. I knew he was waiting for me, but I panicked and pretended like I was talking on the phone and headed to where N.M. picked me up everyday. During the whole car ride, the only person I talked about was N.S., and I would only catch myself when I realized I said too much. I didn’t feel bad though because I had been considering myself as single since 2015, but because that title between N.M. and I was still there, I never had any intentions to date anyone until he was finally out of my life.
When I got home, all I could think was how much I missed N.S. I haven’t seen him in person for seven years. Three days wasn’t enough time to make up for that. I wanted to talk to him and catch up on everything that we missed out on, but I could only do this once I broke it off with N.M. which I did on that last day of training. On top of many other reasons, the main reason why I left N.M. was because he didn’t want to grow with me. We were going to be 21-- he didn’t make his own money because he didn’t want to get a job, he had no intentions of moving out of the house (like ever), and he didn’t want kids. He had all that time to make something of himself, but everything was always “Wait,” for him. His shit got old. I got tired of trying to work things out and tired of giving him chances. I couldn’t change someone who didn’t see an issue with their actions. Four years guys...FOUR YEARS of my life wasted with some loser.
After I broke up with N.M., all he said was “Okay,” and never texted back. He thought I wasn't serious because he still had my name in his Instagram bio and had pictures of us on his account. Shortly after I broke it off, I began talking to N.S. as a friend, but I never told him I was single because I didn’t want him to think he was just a fling. For the past two years, I’ve never been so sure about someone in my life, but I knew getting into a new relationship after being in such a long one isn’t going to look too good, so I waited. A week and a half passed since the breakup and N.M. still had me on his IG, so I texted him telling him to take it down because I wasn't joking this time. I told him we were officially done, but still he refused to let me go. N.S. finally figured out I was single, but not knowing what truly happened between N.M. and I, he tried to get me to fix things with my ex and I kept refusing. I was finally free of all of those toxic people in such a toxic environment. Why would I ever go back to that?
Within the next two weeks, N.S. and I slowly reconnected, filling one another in on the years apart. It didn’t take long for both of us to admit that what he had in 2009-2010 was real love, and after almost a month of my breakup with N.M., N.S. and I officially started going out...again. Already introducing him to my family, they fell in love with him fairly quickly (which I never had with my ex). Initially wanting to wait months to announce us, I changed my mind at the last minute because I didn’t want to hide the fact that I was FINALLY with the love of my life. I waited this long, so why keep him a secret?
I’m sure everyone was surprised, probably still calling me a whore, slut, or cheater, but I didn’t care. For once in my life, I didn’t care about anyone’s opinions towards me because I was in a much better place with a much better man. N.S., my family, and I knew I didn’t cheat and that’s all that mattered. After so many years of being in hell, I deserved this moment. I was finally happy, and no one on this Earth could ever take that away from me.
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